So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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