i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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