I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
