Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
