I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
