He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
