At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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