Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
