you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
