there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we made out on top of his cat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
