Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
