But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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