dude i'm inner monologue high
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
