The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did we literally take a cab across the street
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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