I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
