Taylor Swift is so right about you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
