Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
