Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
