We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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