Im at strip club and am horny
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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