I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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