I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
