I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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