Is it because I queefed?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
