I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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