as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
