bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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