The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
