Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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