i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
