Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
