well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
