so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
