it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
