I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Congratulations! We have a period
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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