so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
