I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
