You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
