Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
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At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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