We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
