I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
