She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is wine microwaveable?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
