Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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