I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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