You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
