you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
