Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
