I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
this hospital has no fireball
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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