At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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