You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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