He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was confusing and full of hummus
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
