"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
