i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
false alarm. still invincible.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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