He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
