I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
