I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
