i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
