From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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