A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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