There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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