Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
