there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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