I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
