he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
