i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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