I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
