guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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