Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
