I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
