Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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