you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
