Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
