ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I want is dick and wine.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
