I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
