i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
