Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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