accomplished twins. life is a go
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
