He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
