so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i think my cat just said my name.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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