i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
PANTIES FOUND
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