I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
