All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is wine microwaveable?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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